The reasons why you may want to work with a surrogate are varied, and are often incredibly personal. Maybe you have a medical condition that makes it difficult to conceive, or maybe you’re concerned that your lifestyle would put a fetus at risk.
Whatever the reason, you know that, no matter what you do as a mother, someone out there is probably going to judge you for it.
When you’ve decided on birth through a surrogate, one of the first questions you’ll likely have is how to find a surrogate.
That’s what this blog post is all about.
Whether you’ve fully deciding on surrogacy or are still weighing your options about having a baby, keep on reading to learn more about the process.
Rely On Your Established Network
When you want to find a surrogate, your first instinct might be to rely on the people you already know.
Maybe you have a specific friend in mind, or maybe you even feel comfortable crowdsourcing your social network or simply asking around to help you connect with a surrogate.
While there are many advantages to working with someone you know well, be aware that going this route is certainly not without complications. You’ll need to establish clear boundaries and guidelines for working with your surrogate — otherwise, things can get messy very quickly.
Let’s take a look at the most important questions to ask and concerns to bring up when asking someone you know, or a friend of a friend, to be your surrogate.
“Tell Me About Your Past Pregnancies”
If this person is a friend, you might think that you know the whole story about their pregnancies — but chances are, there’s a lot you don’t know.
You need to be informed about everything from complications throughout the pregnancy to issues within the delivery room.
You’ll also want to ask your surrogate about smaller details, like the foods that they craved, what their diet is like, and if they plan to continue their normal routine and work throughout as much of the pregnancy as is possible.
In addition to helping you evaluate whether or not your friend is a reliable surrogate, you’ll also get a better feel for how to take care of her throughout the process — and if she’s still a good fit at all.
“What Do You Want Your Relationship With My Child To Look Like?”
This is a crucial one.
If it’s a friend, then it’s likely that she’ll be in your child’s life in one way or another. However, if the surrogate isn’t really in your social network, she may or may not want to have a presence in your child’s life.
Make your own expectations and boundaries clear, and ensure that your surrogate does the same. Get as detailed as social media, whether or not they can send/receive photos and letters, and more.
If possible, you may want her to sign documents stating that she’s been informed she won’t have a legal claim to your child.
“Would You Carry For Me Again?”
Once you find a surrogate you can trust, you may want to have them carry another child for you. Be aware that not all surrogates will be open to this.
If you think that there’s even a chance you’d like another child by the same surrogate, be sure to ask this question.
Work With A Surrogacy Agency
Perhaps you’d like to find a surrogate that’s completely outside of your social network.
Maybe you want a more thorough screening process, to offer payment for surrogacy, or just feel that your friends are far too crazy to carry your future child.
Luckily, there are tons of surrogacy agencies out there — the difficulty is finding the one that’s right for you and your family.
Agencies like ConceiveAbilities surrogate mothers are among the most reputable options out there, in part because of their serious screening process and the level of contact that the mother and surrogate have throughout the pregnancy.
Now, let’s take a look at how to ensure that the surrogacy agency you’re thinking of working with is a good fit for you — and safe for your baby.
“Do You Have A Surrogacy Attorney?”
Even if the agency doesn’t have an attorney on hand, they should have connections with the top surrogacy attorneys in your state.
This will help both you and your surrogate to remain on the same terms throughout the process, and ensure that you’re filing all the required paperwork.
It will also help you to sort through any fees that you’ll need to pay to the agency or to the surrogate herself.
“What’s Your Screening Process Like?”
Of course, this is the most important question when it comes to finding a surrogate through an agency.
In addition to asking questions about the history of the agency itself, you’ll also need to know how they find and screen potential surrogates.
Do they conduct background checks? What about health screenings — and medical support for the surrogate over the course of the pregnancy? Are surrogates psychologically evaluated?
Do they ask the surrogates why this lifestyle appeals to them?
The more information you’re able to find, the better you’ll feel.
You’re Ready To Find A Surrogate
We hope this post has helped you to understand the best ways to find a surrogate you can rely on to help bring a new bundle of joy into the world.
Whether you’re planning on working with a surrogacy agency, or if you want to ask a friend to do the job, having the information you need is essential for you both.
Looking for more mom-friendly advice?
Whether you’re a mother-to-be or already a mother of three, our website and blog has tons of posts about how to save money, live better, and indulge in some serious “me time” throughout the entire crazy journey that is motherhood.