Category: Family Life

It’s 12:09 am. You’re lying in bed, wide awake, stressing over a fight that your significant other and you got in earlier that night.

“I don’t know how to maintain healthy relationships,” you think sadly. It seems you’re always fighting with your significant other. It’s not only this one, either–it feels like you’ve never known how to keep a good relationship.

You’re not alone. Between 40-50% of married couples in the US get divorced. It seems you’re not the only one who struggles with the elusive question of “how to maintain a healthy relationship.”

Read on to learn more about what you can do.

How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship

It can be tough to stay on good terms when life gets busy and we get stressed. Here are a few tips on how to have a healthy relationship. They’ll keep your love life going strong for years to come!

1. Communication is Key

Communication is the number one most important thing for maintaining a healthy relationship. Here’s an example of why.

Let’s say your significant other never does the dishes, and that really bothers you. After dinner, they retire to the couch, assuming you’ll get the job done. You’re tired of being the only one in the household who does the dishes.

Every night, you think, “it’s not such a big deal. I can do the dishes again.” Every night, though, you also feel a tweak of irritation. Eventually, that tweak of irritation turns into resentment.

Your next fight is a total blowout. Before you know it, you’re screaming about the dishes.

Your significant other had no idea it even bothered you. It was left to fester until it turned into a much bigger problem than it needed to be.

Instead, bring things up that bother you early and often. It’s best to iron them out before they turn into full-blown problems. If you struggle with communication, consider taking a free online marriage course to unlock your hearts.

2. Don’t Put Your Best Foot Forward

It may seem backward, but putting your best foot forward can lead to a sort of cognitive dissonance within a relationship.

Say you always wear dresses because your beau loves how you look in them. They’re not your favorite–you really prefer a soft pair of jeans. You want to put your best foot forward, though, so you stick to dresses most of the time.

Your significant other goes out of town on a business trip. “Finally,” you think. “I can’t wait to pull my jeans out of the bottom of the dresser and rock them all week!”

You feel more yourself than you have in a while, and you’re not sure why. You eventually realize it’s because you’ve been wearing jeans, and you haven’t in so long.

When your significant other returns, the jeans go back to the bottom of the dresser drawer. Somehow, you feel less yourself after returning to the dresses, like you’re not wearing them for you.

Make sure to stay yourself during all stages of a relationship. Don’t do things just to please the other. It’ll lead to your significant other not even knowing who you really are, and daily discomfort for you.

3. Make Time For Each Other

Life can get busy, fast. Before long, it can start to feel like your significant other is just the person you live with. You might begin wondering how to have a good relationship when you don’t even have time to talk to them all day.

Your “quality time” together becomes brushing your teeth, scrolling through Instagram before bed, and heating up leftovers together for dinner. Is this quality time?

Make sure to set aside time for date nights once a week. Plan a picnic, or go for a long walk together.

It’s the only way to stay connected during times of stress!

Let’s Talk

Let’s talk more about how to maintain a healthy relationship. It’s a difficult subject to tackle alone sometimes, so friendship always helps!

Get in touch to talk more, and let me know your comments!

Shopping for your little one’s first pair of shoes should be a fun adventure for every mom. If you want tips for finding the best baby walking shoes on the market today, look no further than our comprehensive guide listed below.

Here’s a look at some of the best ways you will save money shopping for your child’s first pair of baby shoes.

Determine What Type of Shoe You Will Buy

There are a few different types of shoes you can buy as a parent, and each one has benefits and drawbacks of purchasing them. You may look for shoes with laces in them, thinking it will be able to stay on your child’s foot better.

This may seem convenient at first but it will quickly become bothersome. Having to constantly tie and untie your child’s shoes when trying to rush out the door can be a huge pain.

Maybe you don’t want to tie their shoes and would like to purchase a simple pair that they can easily slip on and off.

Slip-on shoes can teach your child how to put their shoes on and become more independent. The big drawback with these shoes is that they may constantly fall off when your child is playing.

The best option is arguably finding a shoe with a velcro or elastic strap because you not only get a comfortable fit on your child’s foot, but you also have the peace of mind that the shoe will not come off easily.

Which option should you choose? When you look at all the benefits and drawbacks from these type of shoes it’s clear that finding one with Velcro may be the smallest headache for you as a parent.

Are They Comfortable?

The comfort of the shoe is another important aspect of purchasing the first shoes your baby will walk in. We all know if a child has to do something that makes them uncomfortable they will fight with you to the very end.

This is especially true when it comes to putting shoes on. Getting a shoe that is very uncomfortable to a child onto their foot will be like trying to grab a greased up pig. Once you get the shoe on make sure it is not too tight around their toes.

It shouldn’t be so loose that their foot can easily fall out but it also shouldn’t be too tight to the point that they are crying from discomfort.

You also don’t have to go for a shoe with a hard bottom sole, because specialty shoes are not as effective as people think (click here to learn more). So look at how comfortable the show will fit and thank us later.

Durability Is Important

How important is durability in purchasing your child’s first pair of walking shoes?

One of the biggest things you should understand when purchasing walking shoes is that your child will grow at a very fast rate during this stage of their life.

Most children’s shoe sizes will go up every few months so make sure this is a consideration in your purchasing decision.

A lot of parents get excited about buying their children the name brand sneakers or shoes to match the cute outfit that goes with what mom and dad are wearing.

However, you want to find a shoe that will be reliable and able to weather the workload they will be put through as your child learns to walk.

The pair of shoes you purchase should be durable enough to handle a full day of crawling and trying to stand up without pieces of the shoe breaking off or losing their stitching.

It simply is not smart shopping to buy a shoe that won’t be able to last one or two months of heavy work, so got out and find a shoe that will be able to get through a variety of everyday circumstances.

Discounts Will Be Your Best Friend

One thing we love about being thrifty mommas is that we can always find a good deal. Just because Payless has a buy one get one free offer (BOGO) on a pair of shoes doesn’t mean that the shoes are cheap or will lead to foot problems for your little one.

You might just be in the middle of finding an excellent deal when no one else is looking for one. Shopping around for coupons and promotions is one of the best ways to save money on a particular shoe you may be interested in purchasing.

There are a number of ways to find deals online through coupon websites and promotions through specific vendors, but don’t forget to look locally as well.

When looking for deals also take a peek at some of the reviews other parents have about a shoe, as you will get honest opinions about the item.

Some of your local shoe stores may have deals going on for back to school and you may be able to negotiate with a local store manager if you want to try your luck. So scour the internet, look for coupons in the newspaper, and check to see if any local stores have a deal that will give you the most bang for your buck.

How Are You Finding the Best Baby Walking Shoes For Your Child?

So now that we have looked at some of the best ways to find the best baby walking shoes for your little one, what are some things you will look for in purchasing that shoe?

Comment below and don’t forget to check out our frugal living section for more ways to find deals when shopping for your little ones.

As our parents age, we need to look after them the way they once looked after us. This includes recognizing signs of illnesses that aren’t especially easy to spot.

Some of the early signs of Alzheimer’s disease, like mood swings and forgetfulness are pretty easy to write off as mom or dad having a bad day. But the truth is, these things should make you watch them a little closer; especially if the disease runs in your family.

Because Alzheimer’s is a progressive disease, patients with it worsen over time. However, an early diagnosis and treatment can help keep them stable.

If you’ve noticed some odd behaviors, you might already be asking yourself if there truly is something going on with your parent. Maybe you’ve even noticed that the topic agitates or causes them to shut you out.

We laid out some of the early signs of Alzheimer’s you should be on the lookout for. Continue reading and we’ll also show you how to deal.

Talking to Your Parent

Conversations with your parents about their health as they age are some of the scariest conversations for adult children to start. We never want to make our parents feel like they’re incapable or watch them become defensive.

Because of all the sensitivity around these topics, it can feel nearly impossible to have these talks. But they are necessary to have. First of all, this conversation will lead to your parent receiving a real diagnosis and treatment.

It also gives you an opportunity to establish a plan. If your parent is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, they will eventually lose their ability to take care of themselves.

Speaking with them early on allows them to share their wishes and concerns. Give them the opportunity to tell you where they’d like to live, how they want their finances handled, what to do with their prized possessions and many other things.

This open dialogue will make your parent feel safe which will become even more important down the road. Don’t wait until there’s a serious crisis or accident. Those circumstances will limit everyone’s choices and add to the stress.

10 Early Signs of Alzheimer’s

In progressive diseases like Alzheimer’s, a patient’s brain structure and brain chemistry become more severely damaged over time. This is the reason you see people with Alzheimer’s slowly lose who they once were.

It’s important to note that while the early signs listed in this article are the most common symptoms patients will display, not all cases are the same. Meaning those with Alzheimer’s can possibly skip some of these symptoms or display some others early on.

You should also be mindful that some of these symptoms can present themselves in the later stages of the disease.

1. They’re Having Trouble Completing Typical Tasks and Chores

People with Alzheimer’s often experience difficulty completing tasks they didn’t have a problem with before. If your parent is usually pretty tidy and you realize they’ve stopped keeping a clean house, for example, this can be a sign that something is wrong.

The same can be said for a parent who has forgotten some of the steps to a recipe they’d cooked you your entire life, or the rules to a game they already know how to play.

2. Forgetting the Day, Month, Time or Location They’re In

If your parent has gotten lost in a familiar place like their favorite grocery store or their neighborhood, they could have a serious problem. They might call you in a panic over being lost or not knowing what day it is.

In some cases, your parent can even think they’re in a completely different decade. Bringing up old events like your little league soccer game as if it was happening today is a definite red flag.

3. Decreased Judgment

None of us make the right decisions all the time. Lapses in judgment happen to the best of us.

But we’re talking about those times where your parent does something irresponsible that seems to be coming from left field.

For instance, your mother might wear a summer dress on a cold winter’s day. Or your dad can give more money than he can afford to a telemarketer.

4. Losing Things

Has your parent started storing things in strange places? Have you found shoes in the fridge or car keys in the fish tank?

A person with normal cognitive function will misplace things, but they can usually retrace their steps to find them. If your parent is exhibiting more extreme versions of this otherwise normal behavior, it may end up being Alzheimer’s disease.

Patient’s with Alzheimer’s tend to blame others for stealing items they misplaced too.

5. Drastic Moodswings

Drastic mood swings without logical reasoning is an early sign of dementia that shouldn’t be ignored. Your parent can be mellow one minute and cry hysterically the next if they have this disease.

This can also come into play if they’ve suddenly become suspicious or moody around something they enjoyed spending time with before. Sometimes these mood swings stem from the person feeling uncomfortable, maybe being too hot or cold.

Changes in mood also including being calmer or less emotional than they typically would be.

6. Avoiding Social Situations

So, your parent used to be a social butterfly who enjoyed family gatherings and coffee dates with friends, but they’ve recently become withdrawn. This can happen because they’ve become uncomfortable being around people because they are frightened by their own strange behavior.

While becoming withdrawn, you parent can sleep more often than usual, develop passive personality traits, or take several naps throughout the day.

7. Problems with Written and Verbal Communication

People with dementia will forget common words. They may even replace them with words that don’t fit into their sentences, making their speech difficult to understand.

Furthermore, they can have a hard time reading; especially out loud. With dementia, your parent can fall into the reading level of a child during their early years of elementary school.

8. Forgetfulness

Most people classify Alzheimer’s disease with constant forgetfulness. It’s one of the most common symptoms.

Whether your parent is forgetting new information or thing they’ve already known, you should take the action seriously. Absent-minded behavior will also include repeatedly asking the same question.

9. Changes in Vision

Although it isn’t the most popular symptom, it does occur in some patients. Alzheimer’s disease can cause problems with processing colors, space, and reading.

This can weaken their ability to drive safely. If your parent had a recent fender bender where they ran into a nonmoving object like a tree or sign that they say “came out of nowhere” you should have their cognitive skills evaluated.

10. Trouble Thinking Critically

Has your parent recently began struggling to pay their bills without changes in income or commitments? Are invoices piling up and they don’t understand why?

People with dementia have trouble solving problems such as these. Sometimes the problems become so overwhelming that they just put them off instead of facing them.

An expense tracker can help you help your parent stay on top of their finances.

Talking to Your Parent’s Doctor

In the beginning, most patients with Alzheimer’s are uncooperative and display great levels of anger and denial. But if you are truly concerned that your parent has the disease, you should do everything you can to make sure they are correctly diagnosed and helped. This involves talking with their doctor.

HIPAA is set in place to protect patient privacy and information. Because of this, your parent’s doctor isn’t allowed to share things with you pertaining to their health. However, you are still fully able to share your concerns, even if your parent is against it.

Using the information you’ve learned about the early signs of Alzheimer’s, write a letter to their physician. In the letter, you should include your observations with timeframes.

Perhaps your parent called you three times in a single day asking what time your child’s birthday party will be. Maybe you watched them pour salt instead of sugar into a batch of lemonade.

These events should be noted and shared with the doctor. And although the doctor won’t be allowed to tell you specifics about their appointments with your parent, your letter will make them alert.

Your parent might even be more accepting of the conversation about Alzheimer’s or screening for the disease coming from their doctor instead of their child. Think about it, that role reversal can’t be fun for them.

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Although there has yet to be a cure for Alzheimer’s disease, there is support available to those patients who are living with it. The treatments range from medication, memory care, and lifestyle changes that can include assisted living.

It’s important for the patient to have a loved one who understands all these options as their disease worsens. For example, a lot of people don’t know the difference between assisted living and memory care (compare here.)

Follow our blog for tips about budgeting, health, and family life that can still be implemented if your parent is showing early signs of Alzheimer’s.

Hey mom – you’re doing great. Read that sentence again and take a minute to breathe deep and let it sink in.

As modern moms, we hold ourselves to impossible standards. The exact wording differs for each of us, but the idea runs true.

We expect ourselves to do everything! Keep the house clean, raise the kids, home-school them or work full time. We set ourselves up for failure.

Take a break from that vicious cycle and learn why hiring helpers is the answer below.

Give Yourself A Break

When we do fail, are we kind to ourselves about it? Not usually. “You’re a bad mom because you let Aiden have two hours of screen time today instead of one!”

These are the things we think to ourselves, and for the record, screen time doesn’t make you a bad mom.

One of the steps to getting more done and being kinder to ourselves? Asking for help.

There is absolutely no way we can do it all. We are super humans for creating and nurturing lives, but we have the same amount of time in the day as anyone else.

Learn why hiring helpers is so essential (at any budget) and other ways to take the pressure off yourself below.

Sparkling Expectations

Some moms don’t care if their house is messy. Some moms do. Other moms care or don’t care and wish they cared more.

One thing is for sure: a clean house is a “sign” to ourselves and other parents that we have things together.

Let’s dissect that for a second. When you walk into a friend’s house and it’s messy, do you think

A) Wow this place is a rat’s nest and our kids shouldn’t play together anymore
B) Don’t give it a second thought
C) Feel relieved that their house looks like yours?

Barring that their house is a health and safety issue, we bet it’s B or C. Why hold yourself to standards that don’t apply to anyone else?

That’s like expecting your three-year-old to tie their shoes the way your six-year-old does. It’s backward.

Cleaning Helpers

Once you’ve taken the time to forgive yourself for not having a perfect home, ask yourself which rooms really matter.

If having a messy kitchen gives you a headache, prioritize that over a toy-free living room floor.

Set a rule for yourself when you’re in that space, something small and doable. For example, put something away from the dishwasher while you’re waiting for your coffee to warm up.

Little steps lead to less pressure and you’ll get it done, bit by bit. Hire someone like Green Maids to come every week or even every two.

Tell them the tasks you HATE doing, like mopping the floors. Give them an allotted space to put random things, so they can do the big cleaning.

Having someone clean your floors, sink, and microwave gives you less to do and looks miles cleaner.

If you can’t afford a maid service, think about starting a nanny share or asking letting your older kids help.

Maybe your six-year-old takes out the trash every week. When they do that, it’s also time for them to clean the microwave. Putting two tasks together will help them remember their chores and reduce nagging.

Hiring a Mother’s Helper

Let’s talk about the difference between a mother’s helper, a babysitter, and a nanny.

Without getting dictionary official, they go from least responsibility to most, in that order.

A mother’s helper comes and hangs out with the kids while mom is home, and is usually younger. They get paid less than a babysitter, which we’ll discuss later.

A babysitter comes around every so often or for date nights, but isn’t a regular part of the family routine.

A nanny is part of the family (and they want to feel like it!) They’re around more and spend significant time with your family and kids.

Why a Mother’s Helper?

If you have friends with older kids or there are older kids in the area, a mother’s helper is a thrifty option.

Usually, around 10-15, a mother’s helper can make money before anyone else will hire them. Not only does this mean you can pay them less, but they get experience for later.

One family in Florida paid their mother’s helper by buying her a Bratz doll once she’d worked a certain number of hours.

These young to pre-teen kids are easy to please.

Since they’re young, some people worry about their levels of responsibility. That comes down to the individual child and your level of comfort.

For the first few times they’re helping, hang out with them. You’ll get to know them and your child will see they’re a safe person.

Tell them what you are and aren’t comfortable with. If you have an infant, maybe this means not picking them up or not carrying them up and down the stairs.

Ask them what they’re comfortable with too. Most are willing to learn and have cared for younger siblings at home.

Payment

Talk to them about what they think is fair pay depending on what’s in your budget. Ask them how much they get for allowance every week or if they’re paid by the task.

Work out a system of how much you’ll pay them per hour. Ask them if they think its fair to pay them less at first and more as they learn and mature.

This not only saves you money but teaches them accountability and hard work. You can offer them bonuses for things you sometimes need help with – like walking the dog or watering plants.

Hiring Helpers Helps Everyone

Hopefully, we’ve convinced you that not only do you need a break, but you deserve one.

It’s not healthy to hold yourself to impossibly high standards and this perfectionism can rub off on your kids!

Give yourself time to breathe, show your kids it’s okay to take time to self-care and help someone build their resume by hiring helpers.

Even if it means budgeting something else out. We have all sorts of tips for living frugally, so you can have money to take a break.

For example, get our guide to using an expense tracker here.

Divorce isn’t easy on anyone, but this is especially true for children. Everyone in a family feels the stress of loss and anxiety when life as they know it changes. But in order for parents to be the most helpful for their kids, they need to work for it.

We carry around our own emotions, especially guilt felt towards our children.

But divorce is nothing to be ashamed of. It happens.

Children do better when they can have each parent alone in a healthy, happy environment. In order to start really helping your child, you need to be at peace with it yourself.

Here are a few ways you can help a child coping with divorce.

1. Be Straightforward and Keep It Simple

Both parents should discuss together how they are going to approach the situation, when possible. It’s a good idea to handle the discussion of divorce together.

When you come together to tell your children the decision you’ve made, you’re making it known that you’re still a team. Try to let them know that you will still work together on the important things. You’ll both show up to their school functions and that it won’t change how you feel about them.

Keep this talk age appropriate, and try not to let your emotions get in the way. If you think for whatever reason you and your spouse won’t be able to handle the conversation without an emotional outburst, handle it separately.

Answer their questions honestly and as a team, whenever possible.

2. Tell Them They’re Loved

It is so important that you spend as much time and effort as you can making sure your child knows that they have your love. A divorce can wreck a child’s self-confidence, and now more than ever they need to hear how both of their parents are there for them, no matter where they live.

It’s also a good idea to reinforce how much the other spouse loves them too. In order to heal appropriately, they’ll need to hear and believe that both of their parents love them and are there to support them. This might be difficult, especially if you’re dealing with a less-than-reliable spouse, but don’t let up.

3. Talk About Emotions

When you’re talking to your child, it’s important to tell them how natural their feelings are. Explain that it is normal to feel sad and angry and that you’re always going to be there to talk about it with them.

Encourage an open dialogue with you and show how you accept all of their feelings. Kids who spend a lot of time lost in their thoughts and feelings do this because they don’t want to upset their parents. You can counteract this by frequently checking in and asking how they feel.

Likewise, never make your child feel irrational for these thoughts or feelings. If your spouse is being unreliable, it’s important that they can express that frustration in a healthy, productive way. Failure to acknowledge these feelings can lead to acting out in the future.

4. Make Sure They Know It Isn’t Their Fault

Children are ecocentric. This means that they believe they are the source of what happens in the world. This is especially true in a divorce.

It’s common for a child to believe that their behavior or thoughts caused a bad event to happen. They need to know that this decision has nothing to do with them and that it was based entirely on your decision as adults.

5. Don’t Insult The Other Parent

Even when you’re angry, avoid talking badly about the other parent. It’s not a good idea to pass blame around in front of your children. This is hard, especially in cases of divorce due to adultery.

But children love and need both of their parents and this behavior can quickly lead them to feel as though they need to pick a side. This can shut down an open dialogue.

A child is a combination of both of their parents. When you disrespect the other side, children can often feel as though they are the ones being spoken down to. Make sure that they feel as though both of their parents are valuable.

Do not, under any circumstances, fight in front of your kids. When you need to have a heated conversation, it needs to take place on the phone when your children aren’t around. The most poorly adjusted kids of divorce are the ones who are still exposed to fighting between parents.

Often, one of the main reasons for separation is that parents can’t stop fighting and it’s bad for the children. Do not continue this behavior after a separation.

6. Lots of Advance Notice

One earth-shattering moment to a child is when one of their parents move out unexpectedly. Make sure you give your child advance notice before one of you moves away from the home.

A great way to start is by letting your children visit the new place their parent will be staying. If possible, show them where they will sleep and eat. Talk them through some of their routines and show them how things will work.

It’s also a great idea to let the children help furnish the apartment and choose some of their belongings to bring over. Make your child feel at home wherever they will be staying.

7. Therapy

It can be very beneficial to work with a parenting expert or a therapist with experience in dealing with divorce. A therapist can help guide you in dealing with anything out of the ordinary or especially difficult that arises.

Children can also benefit immensely from talking to a therapist on their own. When a third party is involved, they can feel free to express the feelings they have that they think are hurtful to their parents.

It’s common for separated partners to disagree about whether or not their child needs therapy. It’s also normal to blame each other for your child’s distress.

Even if you think your child is having more trouble with their other parent, try not to jump to conclusions. Kids express parts of themselves differently in each house.

If you notice that your child isn’t eating or sleeping normally, or that their sadness is persistent over a period of weeks, it’s a good idea to consider therapy.

Likewise, if they lash out a lot and it is interfering with their normal activities, talk to the other parent about coming to an agreement on therapy. If you’re not sure, it’s always important to be safe rather than sorry.

8. Accept Your Child’s Actions

Your child is going to need a lot of time, support, and open communication to heal from this wound. When a family is going through a divorce, it’s common for children to act out, withdraw, and regress.

Some children wet the bed and refuse to listen. This is all normal, common behavior. You need to be there to understand and support them during this tumultuous time in their lives.

Over time, this will go away. Your child will adapt to the changes in their lives. Consider planning some family events that they love and help them feel as though their life will go on.

9. Be Consistent

Consistency and routine go a long way toward providing a child with comfort and familiarity. Whenever you can, give your child a lot of advance notice about any changes and stick to a schedule.

Kids will benefit immensely from one on one time with each parent. No matter how hard it might be, try to be accommodating with your ex-partner as you decide on a regular, consistent visitation schedule.

As much as you can, work together to keep routines similar in both houses. This includes discipline, bedtimes, rules, and homework.

You can’t enforce rules in your ex-partner’s house but stick to them in yours. Don’t relax limits, but understand when children want to push boundaries.

10. Take Care of Yourself

During this time, get help dealing with your own feelings about the divorce. When you are able to adjust properly, your child will be able to eventually do so too.

You are a model for your children’s behavior. Be patient with yourself and in turn with your child. Healing from this emotional loss and pain will take time and comes in phases.

The sooner you are able to heal, the sooner they will too.

Helping a Child Coping With Divorce

There is no doubt that divorce is hard on everyone. But as long as you continue to make your children feel loved by both parents involved, they will grow. Work together with your spouse to create a stable, calm environment and over time they will find that everything has become a routine in this new family dynamic.

For more information on handling a child coping with divorce, and all other aspects of mom life, check out the blog! You’re not in this alone.